I think it was William Casey who said, “A man who isn't a socialist at 20 has no heart, and a man who is a socialist at 40 has no head.” I have my own version of this that I think is much more to the point: If you're not a liberal at 20, your college friends won't think you're an “intellectual.” If you're still a liberal at 40, you probably smoked too much dope with your college friends.

Thanks to God, my parents and the Lincoln Parish Sheriffs department, I gave up a promising career as a pot-head not long after high-school. Still, there's no denying that I was the epitome of the bleeding heart liberal in my younger days -- I even inhaled. Like all liberals, then and now, I had all the answers. I knew exactly where I stood on every issue. I was steadfastly against bad things, and very strongly in favor of good things.

I was against racism, poverty, war and pestilence. I was in favor of tolerance, prosperity, peace, and free love. (I was also in favor of federally mandated price controls on beer.) I rejoiced in spouting all the 60's one-liners denouncing “the establishment” and “the man.” I quickly learned that talking about “ists” and “isms” -- like “elitists” and “sexism” -- made the sorority chicks think I was dark, brooding and bohemian.

In 1976, I became an “adult.” I turned 18 and was ready to vote for the first time. Much like today's Generation X'niks who depend on MTV for political coverage, I would have voted for any presidential candidate who I thought believed in my sex, drugs and rock-and-roll agenda. When Jimmy (not James) Carter did an interview with Playboy magazine, I knew he was my man.

The Carter administration and the real world cured me of all this in just four years. By the end of 1980, inflation had soared for the third year in a row, unemployment was embarrassingly high and Ted Koppel was on something like day 424 of his new hit show covering the Iran hostage crisis.

I was a brand new, clean-cut, damn right Republican when Ronald (not Ronnie) Reagan took office. I was a disillusioned, contemplating Libertarian when he left. Even though I hadn't done anything more serious than try to get laid by smoking dope at college parties (which didn't work by the way), I soon found myself caught up in Ronald's “War On Drugs.” Smoking marijuana was apparently something to be reserved for California governors.

In 1992, when I saw Bill (not William) Clinton play that sax on the Arsenio Hall show, I knew we were done for. Sure 'nuff, both the chronologically and the developmentally young just couldn't get enough of this hep cat from Hope. I had an old college buddy tell me, “we're actually going to have an actual president who's actually had his hands on an actual joint man!” Actually, that's not all he's had his hands on -- before or since. Things like Arkansas coeds, my wallet and the constitution.

In 1976, I voted for Jimmy Carter. In 1980, I voted for Ronald Reagan. Perhaps I should never be allowed to vote again. Or maybe I shouldn't have voted until I understood a little more about what I was voting for. Maybe I should have lived a little before I decided that I had all the answers. Maybe no one should vote, hold office or join a political party until they've personally taken part in one of the many other “functions” of government. Things like paying grotesquely high taxes or being legally wrestled out of bed at gun point for smoking pot.

I like to think I've grown over the years. These days I don't claim to be a Republican, Marxist, Socialist, Leninist, Communist, Anarchist, Democrat, or any other sort of extremist nut. I now know that to claim membership in any of these social clubs is to insist on being dead wrong about something.

To be a Republican, you have to be wrong about civil liberties, big business, and the environment. To be a Democrat, you have to be wrong about virtually everything. To be a Libertarian, you have to be wrong about “nothing” -- which shouldn't be confused with being right.

There is a not-so-subtle difference about the Libertarians though -- they're the only ones not pointing a gun at me. The Democrats are willing to shoot me if I won't give my money to their charities. The Republicans are willing to shoot me for a whole host of reasons. The Libertarians are willing to let me be free.

They're not right about everything. But, I think I'll hang out at their party for a while.

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